Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
