I'm drive I can fine osifer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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