is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
