She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick