I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.