Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.