So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.