Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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