my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
