can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
