Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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