You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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