tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
