They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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