Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
