So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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