You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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