I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
