What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
