Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
