y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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