Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
