I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
