the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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