Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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