the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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