I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
