I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
