they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
