Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
