A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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