Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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