She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
