Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
