im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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