New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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