so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
