We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
