sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
