He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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