i was born a porn star she said
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
