A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
