so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
