Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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