We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
