We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
