I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
