I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You need Xanax blowdarts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
