Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
