He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
