I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
