bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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