He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
