I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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