i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
