But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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