He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
