I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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