Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
