I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
