It's Friday. Sex?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
