Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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