take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
