I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Send help, water and tortillas.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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