How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
