I should be sponsored by Trojan
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
