please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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